funny christmas tree delivery

Ridin’ Dirty with Christmas Tree Deliveries

Turner Blog, Odd Jobs

DAY 12 in a Christmas Tree Sales Job

So today I finally gotta taste of the Christmas Tree Sales Lot holy grail: Deliveries.

My boss was feeling the Christmas cheer today and decided to spread the holiday love around. So instead of loitering around the lot in the cold for hours waiting to show customers 20 identical trees with a shit-eating grin on my face, I got to take a trip to the promise land. Heat, radio, and 45-minute breaks with no manual labor. Sweet baby Jesus this is what Xmas is all about.

The Schedule

We begin by cruising over to the back of the lot where all the trees that are meant to be delivered that day wait bundled up, tagged, and are nicely placed in a row by the tree lot lackies (ie-my former self). We then put the trees in the van, one or two depending on the size, and then hit up the break room for a refreshing, overly sugar filled beverage from the drink dispenser machine (they all taste like variations of cheap instant cappuccino). Then, with our large orange oven mitts work gloves, stride to the car waving goodbye to the rest of the hired hands as they lift and place holiday trees for hours until customers show up. Their look of contempt is priceless.

Me: Hey let’s listen to the radio. What kind of music do you like?

Luke: Doesn’t matter. We only have AM and the only station that has music plays nothing but holiday favorites.

I let the sounds of Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole put me in a tranquil, semi-conscious state as the heat hits me full blast for the next 20 minutes. I feel like I am vacationing in Mexico compared to the lot in the rain. As we arrive at our first house, we have to wait to be buzzed in by the gate intercom, before driving down a winding driveway. Things look promising. At the door two old ladies wearing holiday sweaters and warm smiles greet us.

Ladies: “Oh we are so happy you are here (huge smile). The tree goes in the back next to Santa’s little helpers.”

As we bring the tree to the backyard, I am thinking “What does she mean by Santa’s little helpers?”. Soon we encounter a trail of holiday garden gnomes making a path to where the tree stand is located in the back.

the first hint as to what Santa’s little helpers are

An entire village of holidays elves would have been more accurate. Once inside the backdoor, there is an entire room of nutcrackers, snow globes, and stuffed Santa Clauses. I feel a mixture of intrigue and creepiness by the sheer size of the holiday collection. However, my doubts were put to rest when the old lady, in a young girl’s giggly voice, offered me a “Coca-Cola-Classic”, a chocolate chip cookie, and a crisp 20 for “the great holiday effort and spirit” put forth by my co-worker and myself.

I am a sucker for holiday treats, soda, and the giving of unsolicited donations to Turner’s booze fund. Merry Christmas crazy Christmas lady.