Employee Bonding on the Christmas Tree Lot

DAY 4 in my Christmas Tree Sales Job

I find myself popping ibuprofen like tic-tacs. My body is so stiff in the mornings that I feel like I am approaching my 70th birthday.

I guess all these years of avoiding manual labor are finally coming home to roost. But looking at the glass half full, hopefully my body after these 30 days will be chiseled like an Adonis, and by Adonis, I mean you will actually be able to see my muscles for the first time.

After 3 full days on the lot I finally feel like I am getting into a groove. Yesterday halfway through the day, I graduated from my orange prison assemble to a brand new pair of yellow, seamen rain slickers like the rest of the crew. Needless to say, I am starting to feel like an accepted member of the troupe. In my spare moments when I am not knee deep in pine needles and sap, I find myself socializing and getting to know my colleagues.

I am currently most intrigued by a middle aged Mexican coworker who for some reason loves the catchphrase: Hey—ye—Go! His rally cry usually comes randomly, without warning or reason, but seems to help me motivate myself through the day. Today we shared our common gripes near the espresso machine (and by espresso machine, I mean machine that makes three varietals of coffee that all taste like cheap hot chocolate).

Roberto: “Deez guyz in the car….day just drive to houses, drop of treez and get paid mange.”

Me: “Really? You mean the delivery truck guys? So they are the ones getting the tips”.

Roberto: “Yaaaa mange. Those guys in da truck”.

Me: “(long pause)…Fuck those guys”.

Roberto: “Hey—Ye-GO!” (clinks steyrofoam faux coffee).

I am excited to see our relationship blossom.

Turner barr

Hi, my name is Turner. I travel the world, hustle to find interesting jobs, and write about what happens when you read too many self-help books.

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