Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal

Based on my last blog post about scary in encounters when looking for jobs in Puerto Vallarta, you might presume I am still huddled up in a ball, terrified of a gay stampede. Far from it. I hail from San Francisco – so for me, Puerto Vallarta’s gayness is as impressive as it is pervasive. Frankly, I appreciate the real estate appreciation, dancing ability and great fashion sense, and most importantly, the dilution of males from women’s dating pool – that our gay brethren bring to the party. Thanks gays…guys.

No, let me be clear: Puerto Vallarta, like much of Mexico, is way underrated. Jobs in Puerto Vallarta are everywhere if you know where to look. I had an inkling that it would be underrated before I came down here. Forget the cruise ships, cheesy tourist t-shirts, and all the other Mexico tourist shit you can think of, this place hits all of the sweet spots of greatness. Por ejemplo,

La Booze
It should be no surprise that alcohol is cheaper than the US, Canada, UK, Australia, or any other place where 20somethings drink like sailors, but the level of value here is ridiculoso. drunk sailor Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal Most places in tourist parts of Mexico, even along the more expensive strip, beer can be found for $1.5…Or at my favorite little hot spot $1 til 10pm and Dos-por-Uno for happy hour. Are you shitting me? $.50 Coronas? I should just enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous right now. During my stint as a Christmas Tree Sales Associate, I finally had chiseled away my beer belly (Spanglish-cerveza panza, Real Spanish-Pansa de borracho), however, I am humbled to say that Mexico has resurrected the old Turner, and my Adonis-like physique is now back to normal. Thanks for making me stay true to myself Mex. And I will not even mention what tequila will eventually do, but I am sure there are jobs in Puerto Vallarta that will pay in the sweet Mexican nectar.

La Food
Do you like 20 kinds of fresh Seafood in the form of your choosing?Tostadas de Ceviche 150x150 Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal Tacos, Tortas, Ensaladas, Burritos…for the price of a happy meal. Well Mexico owns the right to that title as well. As I mentioned before, every country has their own late-night, drunk-food, but shelling out $.60 tacos with fresh salsas and cilantro at 4 in the morning? Ha Por favor…Puerto Vallarta is Bi-Winning.

La Musica
It is no secret that Mexico has a long history of music. Puerto Vallarta’s Malecon (main promenade) is riddled with clubs, bars, and gringos and Mexicans alike.beach mariachi 150x150 Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal From the latest salsa musica to Banda, to the most ubiquitous in Mexico, Ranchera ,where mariachis can be found in restaurants, beaches, and even on boats. Who doesn’t love a good La Bamba or Cancion del Mariachi? Even riding the bus, you will often be inspired by local musicians.

Marine Life
Despite places garbage dumps like Ensenada Mexico (where Carnival cruises love to advertise that they go to “Mexico”), the beaches are not riddled with fish trapped in 6-pack plastic wrap, nor are there toxins in the water like Ukraine. Here, even the Dolphins are so stoked to be in Puerto Vallarta that they can be seen jumping 30 meters off the beach. Annually, Humpback whales make their migration here to…well, hump, and lay down the next generation of Mexican humpbacks. There mating shows can be seen on most site seeing excursions and are more aggressive than advertised (a rarity in tourism). (sidenote-although big game fish, ie whales, dolphins are great along the pacific coast, the visibility in the water sucks and the fish are scarce-so scuba diving, no matter what glorious tale is told, blows here).

Beach Sight Seeing
With an alive and well gay scene here as well as the next generation of salesmanship that caters to every tourists’ whimsbeach clown 150x150 Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal, Puerto Vallarta beach life is almost as entertaining as watching a street faire or San Francisco’s Bay to Breakers. Unique carrying styles, fashionable t-shirts, and the latest authentic jewelry are only outdone by the real Aztecans walking in full, traditional garb. Who needs to go to a parade when the parade comes to you whilst you sun bathe?

People
And last, but not least, of my initial Puerto Vallarta observances: the people are nice. In India, you will be practically gang banged to buy an alabaster elephant, or in Egypt you will be offered a mere 20 camels for your wife (please fellas, it cost me at least 10 to get her here). No, Mexicans are experts at the “soft sell”. Mexicans know that targeted salesmanship and an amiable demeanor are the true keys to long-term sales success. Their food is made with amor. Their beaches are riddled with free entertainment. And their women are as gracious as they are graceful. Where else can a 70something year-old gringo pluck a incredibly beautiful, busty babe and twirl her like a dradle across the dance floor?

About Turner

Hi, my name is Turner. I travel the world, hustle to find interesting jobs, and write about what happens when you read too many self-help books.

6 Responses to Puerto Vallarta is the Real Deal

  1. Turner Barr January 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    I should have gotten a closer angle on this last video, but this old guy is pimpin'.

  2. Lydia Cornett July 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    I love your stories! Keep them coming! Do you still live in SF? Do you ever do reviews on our local spots? That would be some good material.

    • Turner August 2, 2012 at 2:28 am #

      Hey Lydia, Thanks for the feedback. I divide my time between Bellevue (Seattle) and SF when I am in the US. Usually two weeks at a time 2-3 times a year. I havent reviewed local spots, except like on Yelp. But I was going to write one on Walmart in Sonoma.

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