HoHoHo: German Glühwein is coming to town

I like Christmas, but I fucking love Gluhwein

-Saint Nicholas

True story. There is but one thing that can keep me freezing my bratwurst off in Germany this holiday season instead of getting all sultry and Y Mama Tu Tambien down in Colombia, and her name isn’t Helga or Franzie or ….No not this lusty sweet frauline is much more addictive and her day after vengeance is much more potent, yet easier on the wallet (if done right – German gals pay for themselves, bless their little hearts).  I am of course talking about the Gluhwein (hot spiced/mulled wine) found at German Christmas markets.

christmas in cologne

 

Yes, Christmas time is upon us once more, and while some maybe reaching for the revolver as the in-laws are planning their home incursion, me, I am searching high and low in the Deutschland for some gainful holiday employment opportunities to support my holiday cravings. Last year my time spent as a Christmas Tree Sales Associate, paid enough to keep the lights on – or in more succinct terms, to keep the lights off courtesy of my life long friend and co-conspirator, a Mr. Jack Daniels. As we recall, last year’s seasonal employment proved in enlightening, as my christmas tree sling colleagues taught me many things from the subtle differences between Douglas Firs and Noble Firs tohow to cheat the American welfare system. But this holiday season, promises so much more, as my love of the Gluhwein will bring me to take on whatever holiday job comes my way to keep me seasonally inebriated and hawking holiday cheer nonstop for the German kiddies.

 

Please note – this is not true German Gluhwein served in a boot mug, but rather, it is merely some surrender monkey impersonating one, but nonetheless, it gives the idea of the process

 

There are dozens of cities around Germany with Christmas markets and countless markets within markets that serve this tasty beverage. And while some might say any old Christmas market will do, they obviously have not tasted this sweet nectar served in the Deutschland. It is a different beast. A true gluhwein connoisseur can taste the difference.

hot wine

The perfect mixture of spices – the tinge of orange, the aroma of cinnamon, touched off with a sprinkling of cloves.  Nay – the perfect cup of Gluhwein has much more than chemistry behind it – it is much more than a quaint mug decorated with tiny fraus in lederhosen shaped like a boot. Nay indeed. For one cannot fully appreciate the Gluhwein without in fact 1.) freezing your schnitzel off in the sub-degree weather here and 2.) without being crammed next to a festively plump Augustus Gloop barring a cup of my aforementioned love in one hand and a greasy mettwurst in the other.  No, this is Christmas time in Germany.

And with the quest for the perfect gluhwein about to unfold – you better bring your lange unterhosen and Birkenstocks, cause shit is about to get real German up in her’.

Turner barr
turnerbarr@gmail.com

Hi, my name is Turner. I travel the world, hustle to find interesting jobs, and write about what happens when you read too many self-help books.

8 Comments
  • Alex
    Posted at 08:12h, 26 November

    If you’re anywhere in Baden-Wurrtemberg, we’re gonna need to meet up. Or you can just come to the sometimes lovely but guarteed to be wet and rainy, Karlsruhe.

  • Nikki
    Posted at 12:00h, 26 November

    I have yet to find a warm spice wine I like…maybe a trip to Germany is needed!

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 10:02h, 04 December

    […] of course of the gluhwein (hot wine with citrus, cinnamon etc), which I have not been shy about showing my unadulterated love for, and possibly their mind also conjures up some images of the deep fried, highly caloric […]

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 06:08h, 08 December

    […] in Germany. And while my liver maybe feeling more hate than love this holiday season, my resolve to the perfect Gluhwein in the whole of Germany remains undeterred. And since I have now have experience working at a […]

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 05:15h, 13 December

    […] Someone with both a willingness and rigor to beat unruly children with a stick and, one who with a penchant for merriment (see: intoxication) while performing said task. So this will be your suit Ja? Give it a quick smell […]

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 13:07h, 18 December

    […] After my arrival, I received my Christkind uniform – wings, blond wig, and most important – a white dress 3 sizes too small (I blame the holiday gluhwein). […]

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 09:08h, 24 December

    […] spreading the globe (Sorry, I don’t want to ever hear Rudolph the rednosed reindeer when sipping my Gluhwein half a world […]

  • Adventure Travel Jobs Abroad
    Posted at 09:11h, 24 December

    […] the holidays, I can be as gleeful as a high school show tune . At 2.5 to 4.5 euro a pop for this sweet Christmas season crack it is no wonder I lay awake repeatedly, tossing and turning, trying to reason with the sugar come […]